Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Oscares

In the spirit of tomorrow’s Oscars, I'm thinking about hosting a little awards ceremony of my own. You see, in addition to the normal errors that most of us make, there are some extraordinary performances I've encountered in my time: some that make you laugh, some that make you cry, some that make you gasp in horror. They deserve recognition.

So, without further ado, I'd like to present the nominees for this year’s Oscares:

Nominee #1:

The first nominee exhibits innovation as well as a stunning disregard for spell check:

Hentz, it is important.

The creator of this error seems to have been inspired by a ketchup brand, a rental car company- or perhaps both.

Nominee #2:

Nominee #2 is another unique error. Like hentz, it screams, "Who needs spell check?" Although, this error may even be too intense for spell check to handle. Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present Nominee #2:

I had the erg to tell someone about it.

Nominee #3:

Nominee #3 is a sequel. The student made this same error earlier in the quarter, which I pointed out and corrected before returning her essay. Apparently, she didn’t take heed as it resurfaced again this week, causing her instructor to question why she even bothers writing comments if her students don't bother reading them. Here it is for the second time:

We take many things for granite.

Or maybe my student was simply indicating that we mistake many things around us for intrusive, felsic, igneous rock.

Nominee #4:

Now, Nominee #4 is a very dangerous error to make, especially in this post 9/11 world where instructors are required to report any essay content that suggests a student may be a threat. It sounds like the author of Nominee #4 may be attending some kind of summer terrorist camp. Here's a clip:

When summer comes, I usually like going to the beach for bomb fires.

Nominee #5:

Nominee #5 is a light-hearted error. In fact, it's a musical and a 17th century period piece. Everyone clap in 3/4 time to:

It takes me twenty minuets to get to school.

And, the award goes to....

Oh, I can't decide. They are all so wonderful. I need your help. Which error should win the Oscare?

*This was actually a post from last year. But if the movie industry can recycle the same material over and over again, I figure I deserve one repost.


Jeffrey Beesler said...

Tough choices. But if I had to pick one, it would be the granite one. I don't like things being confused with igneous rocks.

WalksLikeAnEgyptian said...

I like #1 the best. If I saw that on a college student's paper, I would gasp in horror and then laugh till I cried. Hentz, it totally dezerves a trofie.

The Shanner of Attention said...

I'm going with granite. It hits close to home.

Some of these are so terrible, I'm sitting here "soak and wet" with tears of horror.

Kelly said...

Oh, my! Erg!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Invisible Work said...

#4 rocks. I only ignite fires on the beach via bombs. Who doesn't?

Mary Aalgaard said...

I'll cast my vote for #5 because of its musical score.
This is great. I'm actually watching the Oscars while reading this post.
Love what you say about Hollywood recycling old themes/stories. Let's hear it for part 27 of the biggest hits.

Rachael said...

I had students - seniors in high school - who used "are project" instead of "our project" and "meter ochre" instead of "mediocre." The "meter ochre" one took me a solid three minutes to figure out. Also, I usually listen to classical music on my way in to work, so I'll start timing myself in minuets!

Hart Johnson said...

*giggles* Oh, those were nice. Classy, even *snort*

Carolyn Abiad said...

I can't decide between hentz and erg. Probably hentz, because spell check should catch that. :)

William said...

Even though it doesn't say BONG, I pick BOMB.

Great guacamole kid.

Talli Roland said...

Hentz! Hehe! Love this one!

Organic Meatbag said...

Oh shit, they are all great, but I LOVE "hentz"...hahaha

Stephanie Faris said...

My grammatically-challenged neighbor once called the cul-de-sac the "cuddle sack." I think he really thought it was called that, but I can't be 100% sure.

Theresa Milstein said...

Nominee #4, of course. Unless that would just encourage the terroist summer behavior!

I have a verbal one to share. I told the students, "Now that the posters are done, we'll do presentations tomorrow."

One girl turned in horror and exclaimed, "We need to presentate?!"

Meg O. said...

I literally laughed out loud to every single one of these. I gotta say, though, I loved #3. Maybe it's because my family is in real estate and we talk about granite counter tops a lot.

Jaya J said...

the beach bomb fires is a good one :)
no.2 is cute too.