Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Summer of Love

I always wished I could have been a young adult during the 1960s. I love 60s fashion, music, and, most of all, I regret not having been able to experience that whole summer of love thing where there was all that free loving.

But I am not one to let go of dreams, so I have made this my summer of love. 

That’s right, you guys, I have totally been blogging around. 

Right now I am with two other bloggers: 

At Kelly Polark’s blog, there's a great picture of me and Bob Dylan, and I reveal how the man considered the best songwriter of all time grammatically undermined our nation.

At Shelly Morales’s blog, La Tejana, I explain why I became such a crazy grammar lady.

And, I’m not ashamed to say that there have been others. MANY OTHERS. Thus far, the following bloggers have been so gracious as to let me post on their blogs in order to promote my book: 

James Garcia Jr. at Dance on Fire
Sara DiVello at Inadvertent Yogini

AND … I even have someone over at my place: E.J. Wesley. His new book sounds amazing:

Some folks treated the past like an old friend. The memories warmed them with fondness for what was, and hope for what was to come. Not me. When I thought of long ago, my insides curdled, and I was left feeling sour and wasted.”

Jenny Schmidt is a young woman with old heartaches. A small town Texas girl with big city attitude, she just doesn’t fit in. Not that she has ever tried. She wears loneliness like a comfy sweatshirt. By the age of twenty-one, she was the last living member of her immediate family. Or so she thought…

“We found my ‘grandfather’ sitting at his dining room table. An entire scorched pot of coffee dangled from his shaky hand. His skin was the ashen gray shade of thunderclouds, not the rich mocha from the photo I’d seen. There were dark blue circles under each swollen red eye. A halo of white hair skirted his bald head, a crown of tangles and mats. Corpses had more life in them.”

Suddenly, instead of burying her history with the dead, Jenny is forced to confront the past. Armed only with an ancient family journal, her rifle, and an Apache tomahawk, she must save her grandfather’s life and embrace her dangerous heritage. Or be devoured by it.

BLOOD FUGUE by E.J. Wesley, is the first of the MOONSONGS books, a series of paranormal-action novelettes. At fewer than 13k words, BLOOD FUGUE is the perfect snack for adventurous readers who aren’t afraid of stories with bite. Available wherever fine eBooks are sold September 2012. 

And look at the beautiful cover:

It’s a total blorgy (blog orgy)!

P.S. Winner for my Why Grammar Is Important Give-Away will be announced next week. Click here if you'd like to vote.

Friday, August 24, 2012

You Be the Judge

Earlier this week—or was it last week?—I held a give-away that asked readers to leave a comment explaining why grammar was important, and the winner would receive a copy of the next New York Times bestseller, Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares. (The New York Times bestseller The Secret told me that if I just put that out into the universe it would happen, so bestseller, bestseller, bestseller.) 

I received many wonderful responses, and when it came time to pick a winner, I simply couldn’t decide. I’m horrible at making decisions, and it started to stress me out, and I’m trying to avoid stress at all costs because I heard it gives you wrinkles. So I asked my librarian to choose his top three, which he did, and then I thought I would present them to you and let you choose the winner by including your selection in the comments section. 

I, hereby, present to you the finalists of the Why Grammar Is Important Contest:

A.      Shelly

Proper grammar is as important as pure air, clean water, and cute shoes. Without proper grammar, the world tilts ever so slightly off its axis, rendering everything else out of kilter.

B.      Felt Family

Proper grammar is important because it gives the writer/speaker credibility. Without it, they are just incredible. No … wait …that doesn’t sound right.

C.      Talli Roland

It’s important so you can identify a man who knows how to spell, since the ability to spell correctly is also linked to dexterity in the bedroom.

Oh, and then I added this one: 

D.      Stephen T. McCarthy

Proper grammar is important because Jenny Baranick says so.

Let the games begin!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

What Not to Wear

Yesterday, one of my favorite fashion blogs, Go Fug Yourself, made a point that will come in handy for me. They showed the above picture of Kristen Bell being interviewed by Jay Leno, and they accompanied it with this advice: “Somebody needed to tell her to practice sitting and chatting so they could spot-check the problem areas."

Because this is what happened:

So now I know that before I am interviewed by Oprah or Ellen or Jon Stewart(Pleeeaaaase!) I need to test drive my outfits. 

Or … I could just do blog interviews. 

James Garcia Jr. interviewed me on his fabulous blog Dance on Fire, and since he simply sent me interview questions via email, I didn’t have to worry about whether or not I was flashing some underboob.

Will you come check out the interview? It’s my first one since becoming a published author!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Fifty Shades of Grammar

One of my favorite bloggers, Theresa Milstein, has graciously allowed me to guest post on her wonderful blog Theresa's Tales of Teaching Tribulations and Typing Teen Texts.

Swing by and experience the rare meeting of erotic literature and grammar in my Fifty Shades of Grammar quiz.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Dirty Dozen

I just received an email from Sara of the blog The Inadvertent Yogini (which is featuring a guest blog from me about the relationship between punctuation and yoga—my two passions). She said there are only twelve copies of Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares left on Amazon. That’s exciting, right? Well, unless they only started out with twenty copies in stock. But I have decided that they started out with three million, so it’s AMAZING!

I am so giddy today. I just want to give away more copies of my book. 

If you want one, and you are not Janette Dolores, whose name I just picked out of a hat as the winner of my last contest (well, not a hat—a random basket that was in the closet in the library), then all you have to do is buy the last twelve copies. 

Just kidding. All you have to do to be entered in the contest is tell me in the comments section why you think proper grammar is important. And if you don’t think it’s important, lie. 

And then if you have time, check out my guest post on Sara’s blog. (There’s a pic of me doing a headstand.) 

And if you have even more time, will you post about the release of my book on Facebook and Twitter? 

And if you have even more time after that, take some time out for yourself--you deserve it.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Premature Ejaculation

I got home from work the other night and there was a package for me waiting outside my front door. I was like, “Cool, my new ThighMaster has finally arrived!” And then I thought, “Wait, maybe it’s the Shake Weights.” But, no, it was neither; it was a box of books. A box of MY books! 

I know, I know; all I’ve been talking about lately is my stupid book coming out. But consider yourselves warned; I am going to promote the hell out of this thing until I’ve made enough off of royalties to afford a Fifty Shades of Grey penthouse in Seattle.

Guess what else I learned about the book yesterday? It’s being prematurely ejaculated! Amazon changed its release date from September 1 to August 15. So now I am kind of FREAKING OUT!

As I am sure is the case with many authors, I’m really kind of uncomfortable with the idea of self-promotion, BUT those penthouses go for between 4 to 6 million dollars, so here I go:

I was thinking to ease into the promotional activities. All you have to do to win an Advanced Readers Copy of the illustrious Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares is “Like” me. 

There’s a “Like” option at this Amazon link I would love you to click.

If you want to win a copy, just let me know in the comments section that you do, in fact, “Like” me and that I have a way to contact you to get your address. Then, I will have a drawing next week. How does Wednesday sound? 

(Also, because this is such an emotional time for me, feel free to also let me know HOW MUCH you like me, what exactly you like about me, if you like my hair, etc. )

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

It's Business Time

I don’t know if you guys know this, but...


So obviously you know what that means: I am about to become wildly successful and forget about all the people who loved and supported me before I was the world’s number one bestselling author. 

Soon, I will be saying goodbye to the classroom and blogosphere and hello to partying at George Clooney’s Lake Como house and cruising the Mediterranean on my new 300 foot yacht with my new besties Jay Z and BeyoncĂ© (which I guess means Kim and Kanye will also tag along).

But before I blow you all off, I wanted to give you all one last chance to support me. 

Will anyone help me promote my book? If you help me, I will convince George to let you star in his next movie. I will let you ride starboard on my yacht. And if your name starts with a K, I will convince Kim and Kanye to name their firstborn after you. 

So here’s what I was thinking: In the comments section of this post or via email (missedperiods@gmail.com), you can let me know if you are willing to participate in any of the following ways, and then I will contact you and we will figure it out. (I know; I should have gone into business management.)

A. Interview me on your blog
B. Have me do a guest post on your blog
C. Blog about the release of my book on your blog
D. Facebook or Twitter about the release of my book
E. Call your friends Oprah and Ellen and put in a good word for me
F. Something I didn’t think of

In all honesty, though, thank you all for reading and supporting my blog. Your continued support really gave me the confidence to make this thing into a book.