Tuesday, February 1, 2011

But It's Important

If I could be anyone for a day, who would it be?

Gee. I don’t know. That’s a tough one. My gut reaction is to say Vanessa Paradis because for one glorious day I would be the wife of Johnny Depp. But before I commit to that, I need to call my lawyer to make sure that having sex with another man whilst supernaturally inhabiting the body of his wife is not technically considered cheating.

It would also be kind of cool to be a cop for a day. I would relish the power of having everyone slam on their brakes and slow down to the speed limit as soon as they see me.

Wait. No. I’ve got it! I know who I’d be. Kanye West.

I am such a non-confrontational person so it would be thrilling to experience the, I don’t know what to call it- confidence, gall, narcissism- of the man who thought it was totally acceptable to storm on stage and interrupt Taylor Swift’s speech to share his opinion with the world.

I know what you’re thinking. He’s not the same man he was back then. He’s been working on becoming more humble.

Well, maybe he’s working on it, but from his behavior on January 26 of this year, I think he is still quite self-important.

I am basing my opinion about Kanye on a theory I have formulated over the years. My theory is that, although technically we are supposed to capitalize proper nouns- words that represent a unique, specific entity- many of us tend to simply capitalize words that are important to us.

For example, a lot of people incorrectly capitalize the terms bachelor’s degree and master’s degree. Don’t get me wrong, these degrees are very important. I mean, without a bachelor’s, many of us would have no idea how to work a beer bong. But, we don’t capitalize it when we are talking about the degree in general, only when we are referring to the specific name of the degree:

I have a bachelor’s degree vs. I have a Bachelor of Arts degree.

We also capitalize college degrees when we are using the initials:

A.A., B.A, B.S., M.B.A., Ph.D.

We also tend to capitalize the words mom and dad all the time. Now, these are two very important people, but we only capitalize mom and dad when we can substitute the words mom and dad with their names.

My dad’s name is Bruce. In the following sentence, it makes sense when I substitute the word dad with Bruce, so I capitalize the word dad:

I just spoke to Dad.
I just spoke to Bruce.

However, in the following sentence, it doesn’t make sense when I substitute Bruce for dad, so I don’t capitalize dad:

I just spoke to my dad.
I just spoke to my Bruce.

Basically, when my (or any other possessive pronoun) proceeds the words mom and dad, we don’t capitalize them.

Now, back to Kanye:

These are his January 26, 2011 tweets:

NO ALCOHOL BEFORE TATTOOS

WE LIVE THIS SHIT! WE EMBODY THIS SHIT! WE WOULD IDE FOR THIS SHIT SO YOU YOU CAN LIVE FOR THIS SHIT!

HIGH END RAP MUSIC! GHETTO STADIUM SHIT! THEY AIN'T WANT US AT THE FESTIVALS NOW WE WILL RUN THEM!

Every single letter is capitalized! He must believe that, not just every word, but every single letter he writes is important.

I I would ide to know how that feels.

23 comments:

The Shanner of Attention said...

I just learned when to capitalize mom and day AND laughed at Kanye's expense? This is truly a good evening.

Christopher said...

Ha, funny stuff. I have a MUPP, the degree no one has ever heard of.

Missed Periods said...

What's a MUPP? I want one.

Bryan Russell (Ink) said...

I'm always ideing to know stuff. Luckily, I'm like a cat with nine ilves.

WritingNut said...

Excellent advice!

Talli Roland said...

Oh, Kanye, Kanye.

Honestly, I can't think of anything else TO ADD HERE! :)

keppi baranick said...

bravo.

Ricky said...

Now I want to know what tattoo he got when he was drunk !

Hart Johnson said...

Oh, to be so important as to have my typos immortalized. I capitalize words all the time. It is to show you which ones I would SHOUT if you were here with me. And because I am a SPAZ! but, yeahno... not the whole thing. Then you just look like you don't know where the shift key is...

Logical Libby said...

He is the yin to your yang. Truly.

HulaBuns said...

You are so clever with your posts! Great advice, thanks again for always teaching me something! :)

Meg O. said...

Oh, Kanye. Super important. Almost as important as my B.A.

Christie Wright Wild said...

I did remember the mom and dad trick. And you're posts truly are clever (educational and humorous).

May I ask you a question to ponder or research? How would you spell the anniversary of a blog? Bloggiversary (like blogger), or blogiversary (like blog)?

Missed Periods said...

Christie,

The Urban Dictionary spells it blogiversary. That's as official as I could find.

Carolyn Abiad said...

LOL!....or lol! Does it depend on how "out loud" I'm laughing? I always sing Joe le Taxi really loud, but should Taxi be caps?

Kimia Kline said...

haha kanye is an interesting choice. i can definitely see how such a confident/magnetic personality would be intriguing. :)

Stephen Tremp said...

No alcohol before tats is good advice to give and follow. If I could be anyone, I would be the Pope and give some bizarre decree just to mess with people's heads. Like its mandatory for priests and nuns to be married to each other.

ola appletea said...

:) great post!

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http://theappletea.blogspot.com/2011/02/contest-pick-header-for-appletea.html

Simon C. Larter said...

I think I like you. Wait...hang on.... Let me check again....

Yeah. I do.

But to set the record straight: it was only my *first* attempt at a bachelor's degree that taught me how to use a beer bong. The second and third tries, I learned different things.

Theresa Milstein said...

Why is Kanye always so intense?

I saw this in a social studies classroom:

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://loyalkng.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Kanye-West-interrupts-independence-of-declaration.jpg&imgrefurl=http://loyalkng.com/2009/09/20/kanye-west-interrupts-declaration-of-independence-signing-w-magna-carta-signing-as-the-best-ever/&usg=__fxnVwLHT0YtB0YGfrhROW9Sbgos=&h=285&w=500&sz=125&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=eP2F0_qTyAPOvM:&tbnh=105&tbnw=185&ei=b0pTTe-MHoT58AbF-IDTCA&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dkanye%2Bwest%2Bdeclaration%2Bof%2Bindependence%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den%26biw%3D1211%26bih%3D591%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=120&vpy=100&dur=691&hovh=107&hovw=188&tx=163&ty=103&oei=b0pTTe-MHoT58AbF-IDTCA&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0

Joao said...

"Basically, when my (or any other possessive pronoun) proceeds the words mom and dad, we don’t capitalize them." Knowing this, I know understand that possessive pronouns already state that the noun, or other pronoun is already being, well possessed. Before this time, people never stressed the importance of possession, or other functions of other words of speech, now that I do know this I can begin improving my writing. Overall, this writing was very entertaining, and funny to read, you are a genius at bringing the truly artistic side of this art form. The samples in this exercise are very clear, and fundamental. They show a very simplistic, and elementary form of English; kinda reminds me of being in Middle School.

PissAnt138 said...

That's some good advice on capitalizing. I notice a lot of people capitalize when expressing themselves especially when texting. And people do slow down to a ridicules speed when they see a cop car in front of them. That is powerful.

thinslicefood said...

Great post Missed periods,but you missed a whole word: "I don’t [know] what to call it"