Worst of Times and Best of Times

While most are going back to school shortly, the quarter at my college is wrapping up. Part of me really hates the end of the quarter. The beginning of the quarter holds so much promise: the students are wide-eyed and eager to learn and I am excited about my role in making America a place where essays are organized and error-free. By the end of the quarter, the students look stoned and I have to accept that, once again, I have failed in making a significant impact on America’s written expression. This morning I almost asked the woman at Peet's Coffee if they were hiring.

The end of the quarter, however, is also very amusing. Many of the classes require the students to do final presentations, for which the students are required to dress up professionally. The awesome part is that many of the students interpret professionally as Julia Robert's profession in Pretty Woman. I’ve seen everything from sequins to mini-dresses to sequined mini-dresses.

Many of the instructors express disdain for the students’ lack of understanding what it means to be professional, but I think it’s kind of cute. They’re young. They’ll eventually learn that it’s not proper etiquette to attend a work meeting dressed as a Kardashian. Right? Right???

Another place they show their lack of etiquette is when referring to others in their writing. This, too, always makes me laugh. For example, I assigned my Critical Thinking class an essay in which they were to respond to an article by Salman Rushdie, and I got a lot of this:

Salman said, “….”

I don’t agree with Salman because….

Really, Guys, you are on first name basis with Salman Rushdie? The author who not only won the Booker Prize and was appointed Knight Bachelor by Queen Elizabeth II for "services to literature,” but was forced to live in exile after Satanic Verses prompted the Iranian government to call for Salman Rushdie’s execution. If my students ran into him, they would probably say, “Hey, Salman, I heard you were once married to Padma.”

When referring to other people in our writing, we should use their last names:

Rushdie was married to Lakshmi.

We can also use their full names:

Salman Rushdie was married to Padma Lakshmi.

Especially when the last name isn't enough to clearly identify whom the writer is referring to:

I can’t believe what Kardashian was wearing.

It really could be any Kardashian, right?

In situations like this, we use the full name:

In this case, my sentence would be:

I can’t believe what Kim Kardashian was wearing.

And this is why: