Friday, August 20, 2010

Parents Say the Darndest Things

It’s too late now, of course, but what I probably should have done is married a man who already had kids. I just think I would be a better step mom than a real mom. As a step mom, don’t you get to be more of a friend than a disciplinarian? I am afraid that, because I am going to want my kids to think I am cool, I will let them do whatever they want and probably try to impress them with all the lurid details of my past and present.

Society, I apologize in advance, but I am probably going to raise sociopaths.

Although, maybe being open with your offspring is the way to go. I have a young lady in my class who seems very well-rounded and pleasant, yet she comes from a household in which her father is very open with his children about his unconventional lifestyle. Well, at least this sentence from her essay makes it seem that way:

My father told me, “I am a young lady and I need to dress like one.”

Obviously, her father doesn’t try to hide from his children that he has a proclivity to cross-dress and assume the role of a young female.

Either that or he has dissociative identity disorder like Toni Collette’s character in United States of Tara, and one of his personalities is a young woman.

Or my student incorrectly used quotation marks.

If, perchance, it was an error on my student’s part, and her father was actually saying that she was a young woman who needed to dress accordingly, let me just offer some options.

1. Since quotation marks are used when quoting someone word-for-word, perhaps this is what she meant:

My father told me, “You are a young lady and you need to dress like one.”

2. Or she could just paraphrase it and forget the quotation marks:

My father told me that I am a young lady and I need to dress like one.

But, if she did quote him correctly and he does want to dress like a young lady, might I suggest that he (Warning: bad pun about to ensue) TAILOR his look more to Swift than Momsen:



16 comments:

Wendy Ramer said...

I love your posts so much. And with the new term starting on Monday, I just may reference your blog to my students - second language learners who could learn a thing or two hundred from your humorous pointers :-)

Meg O. said...

I am going to assume that she quoted him correctly. That is hilarious.

Bethany Elizabeth said...

Hahaha! Your pun made me giggle. :)
And I agree, quotation marks can be dangerous (or hilarious) when misused.

James Garcia Jr said...

You crack me up with these. We read a few sentences, wondering where in the world you are going and you never fail to surprise when you get there.
Thanks for the post and have a great weekend.

keppi baranick said...

Is this your way of letting your mother know you plan to have children? If so, the best post ever!!

Christiejolu said...

HAHA! Maybe her Dad is a cross dresser...

Boonsong said...

MissP

There's nothing wrong with raising sociopaths. My parents did so with all of their children.
Thanks for another great post.

All the best, Boonsong

DEZMOND said...

oh, Toni Collette, oh, Tailor Swift!

Carolyn Abiad said...

Fun stuff on this here blog! I think I might need a daily dose.

Mary Aalgaard said...

Don't really know "Momsen," but that is quite an eye-catching outfit!

Theresa Milstein said...

I think her father would be very happy with the first outfit. He'll definitely look and feel like a young lady!

I've missed your blog while I've been away. You're like the younger, hipper Lynne Truss.

Julie Musil said...

Oh, that is so funny! And what the heck is Taylor wearing in that last photo?

Talli Roland said...

Love these examples!

I'm a step-mum and it's definitely the way to go! I met my step-daughter at age 10 - she's 16 now and we get along great! No muss, no fuss!

Hart Johnson said...

BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I like the cross-dressed dad option. She will need to back it up with description though, or editors are going to think she just can't use quotations properly...

julie.cuadros said...

How can I start make a good opening sentence?

crysy92 said...

How do I use a quote without it being "fraud" or a "copy right thing"?