Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there. How’s it going? I was just sitting here visualizing and telling the universe what I would like. You see, I went to a bachelorette party last weekend, and one of the other ladies brought The Secret, so I finally read it, and what can I say: I’m pretty dang excited about my future now that I realize that I can control it.
Chocolate won’t make me fat. Chocolate won’t make me fat. Chocolate won’t make me fat.
My life is definitely going to be a lot less moody.
When I say less moody, what I mean is that there is one verb mood that I will no longer be using. I will no longer be using the subjunctive.
There are three verb moods in the English language: the indicative, the imperative, and the subjunctive.
We use the subjunctive when we are expressing wishful thinking, which means we use were instead of was:
Reality: Bradley Cooper was dating Renee Zellweger.
Wishful thinking: I wish he were dating me.
We also use the subjunctive were when we are imagining something unrealistic:
If I were to receive a million dollar check today, chocolate wouldn’t make me fat.
(Because I would be able to afford all the liposuction I wanted!)
But now that I’ve discovered The Secret, soon EVERYTHING will be realistic, and I can say goodbye to the subjunctive mood.
Now where was I…
My legs will grow three inches. My legs will grow three inches. My legs will grow three inches.