Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Do You Want to Know The Secret?

Bradley Cooper will ask me out on a date. Bradley Cooper will ask me out on a date. Bradley Cooper will ask me out on a date. There will be a million dollar check waiting for me when I get home. There will be a million dollar check waiting for me when I get home. There will be a million dollar check waiting for me when I get home.

Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there. How’s it going? I was just sitting here visualizing and telling the universe what I would like. You see, I went to a bachelorette party last weekend, and one of the other ladies brought The Secret, so I finally read it, and what can I say: I’m pretty dang excited about my future now that I realize that I can control it.

Chocolate won’t make me fat. Chocolate won’t make me fat. Chocolate won’t make me fat.

My life is definitely going to be a lot less moody.

When I say less moody, what I mean is that there is one verb mood that I will no longer be using. I will no longer be using the subjunctive.

There are three verb moods in the English language: the indicative, the imperative, and the subjunctive.

We use the subjunctive when we are expressing wishful thinking, which means we use were instead of was:

Reality: Bradley Cooper was dating Renee Zellweger.

Wishful thinking: I wish he were dating me.

We also use the subjunctive were when we are imagining something unrealistic:

If I were to receive a million dollar check today, chocolate wouldn’t make me fat.

(Because I would be able to afford all the liposuction I wanted!)

But now that I’ve discovered The Secret, soon EVERYTHING will be realistic, and I can say goodbye to the subjunctive mood.

Now where was I…

My legs will grow three inches. My legs will grow three inches. My legs will grow three inches.

20 comments:

Shannon said...

Aaaaaah, I bet that is a pretty common error. I think I do it correctly, but I'm not 100% sure.

Jaya J said...

I will be meeting Robert Downey Jr!
I've been confidently and consistently telling that to my good friends for the past years.

my day in a sentence said...

But what if you wish for the secret not to work?
(think about that paradox :D)

Holly Vance said...

I will get published. I will get published.

And if your legs get longer, and you get even hotter, I will cut you.

Kisses.

Dylan Fitzgerald said...

JAKE GYLLENHAAL WILL MARRY ME! JAKE GYLLENHAAL WILL MARRY ME! (crickets chirp)

Subjunctive is always tricky... I learned it formally in Latin first, then tried to reflect it back English, and wound up thoroughly stumped.

Bethany Elizabeth said...

It's amazing how much I learned about English in my Spanish class. Tenses were one of those things. :)

Shelly said...

Love the lesson. Wait- chocolate really doesn't make us fat, right? Right??!!

Crystal Pistol said...

You are clever. Very very clever. Love this post!

James Garcia Jr said...

The Chicago Cubs will win a world series this year! The Chicago Cubs will win a world series this year!
*glances at standings*
The Chicago Cubs will win a world series next year! The Chicago Cubs...

;)

-Jimmy

Amie Kaufman said...

The grammar mobile will show up when I need it to deliver my very own expert to check my WIP! The grammar mobile will show up when I need it to deliver my very own expert to check my WIP!
The grammar mobile will show up when I need it to deliver my very own expert to check my WIP!
Right? Right. Glad we've worked out we can achieve these things by willing them into existence ;)

Theresa Milstein said...

I want 3" longer legs.

Too bad I just learned about the subjunctive right when I learn I won't need it anymore. This is just like what happened with the oxford comma.

Naina Gupta said...

Hi There!

I found you from Talli's blog and really enjoyed reading through yours.

*new follower*

:-)

Glynis said...

I am joining in with your final chant! The Secret sounds interesting. Off to investigate.

I will be published, I will be published, I will...eat chocolate. Whoops ;0

Talli Roland said...

I always get 'was' and 'were' mixed up! I probably always will.

For now, I get it! :)

Jeffrey Beesler said...

Were I any other person, I might have just shrugged my shoulders indifferently at verb moods.

I wish I were able to keep myself from typing up random stuff.

Oh, and you've got a shout-out over at my blog for awesome writers week! :-D

Mary Mary said...

Funny! It's amazing how many people use the subjunctive in everyday speech. Thanks for a little enlightenment!

Powdered Toast Man said...

I didn't even know subjunctive was a word..lol

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

You can ask ‘The Alliterative Allomorph’ or Arlee Bird at ‘Tossing It Out’ and they will confirm that my number one pet peeve in the Blogosphere is “writing about writing”.

Heck, I even wrote my own “writing about writing” as a snarky (and hopefully amusing) response to the writers who write about writing. It was titled “METHOD WRITING: How To Improve Your Writing And Get Thyself Published”.

Yours is the first “writing about writing” blog I’ve found that is really worth “Following”; it’s entertaining and you have a sense of humor. Hokey-Smoke! I stand corrected? There really is a place in the Blogosphere for a blog about writing? Hmmm…

Well, I’ll give it a try. If the rest of what you post is done with the same level of clever creativity as displayed in this blog bit, I will someday make a public confession that I’ve found a “writing about writing” blog I genuinely enjoy. Won’t THAT surprise the hell out of a lotta folks!

~ D-FensDogg
‘Loyal American Underground’

cestlavie22 said...

LOL! I may need to go and and buy this book. I am liking the positive thinking vibe I am getting from reading your blog. And if a book makes dating Bradley Cooper seem realistic well who wouldnt be interested?

HulaBuns said...

This is great. I, too, wish that my legs would grow 3 inches (maybe even 4 or 5). LOL Thanks for the lesson!