Friday, May 14, 2010

Trust Issues

Therapist: Hello Jenny, I haven’t seen you since Arrested Development was cancelled? Are you experiencing lingering withdrawal symptoms?

Me: No. I’ve decided to cling to the false hope that the movie will actually get made. I am here today because I am afraid I am experiencing trust issues.

Therapist: Is this about your husband saying that the Playboy magazines you found under the mattress belong to his friend?

Me: No, we dealt with that. It turns out he only reads Playboy for the articles. I’m having different trust issues.

Therapist: Well, according to Freud, women may experience trust issues because the girl child develops her first sexual impulses towards her mother but realizes that she is not physically equipped to have a heterosexual relationship with her mother, since she does not have a penis and experiences penis envy. Is any of this resonating with you so far?

Me: Not really. I mean, my mom’s cool and everything. By the way, happy birthday, Mom.

Therapist: Well, why don’t you tell me how these trust issues are manifesting?

Me: I was grading an essay yesterday, and after correcting so many spelling mistakes- words like chalenging, habbit, and supposably- I corrected the spelling of the student’s name from Lidia to Lydia. I’m at the point where I don’t even trust my students to spell their own names!

Therapist: I prescribe a glass or two of red and the weekend off.

Me: Done!

14 comments:

keppi baranick said...

Thank you Jenny. Can't wait to see you all tonight. Love

Talli Roland said...

Great prescription. I concur. Happy weekend!

Lola Sharp said...

Ahhh, my favorite cure of all.

Fun post!

Happy Weekend,
Lola

Lola Sharp said...

Oh, yeah...I forgot...husband and I are putting the positive mojo out there into the, um, universe or whatever, that the movie will be made. We can recite most of A.D. and mourn its loss daily.

(I still miss Gilmore Girls, too.)

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

Hi! I followed you over from Talli's blog. My interest was piqued the minute I saw the title of your blog, and I couldn't resist checking out your site. You have a fabulous sense of humor and I look forward to reading much more from you. Signing on to follow now!

Missed Periods said...

Talli,

I may have overdosed a little bit on the red wine prescription.

Lola,

Happy weekend to you too. I was a late comer to A.D., but I devoured the box set immediately, and now I don't know what to do with my life. Any other shows you recommend?

Nicole,

Thank you so much for the kind words.

LCH42 said...

Jenny,

My friend Kristen turned me onto your gift and I must say I am hooked after only two hours. Looking forward to tuning in each day. Have a wonderful afternoon.
Sincerest Regards,

Loni C. Hall

Missed Periods said...

Loni,

Thank you so much.

Scott Teel said...

Wasn't the joke in school that nobody could get a zero on the SATs, because you got 200 points just for spelling your name correctly?

It WAS a joke. Maybe it should be revised to, "You get 200 points just for making your mark, so learn that X kids!"

William said...

Fab new photo. What was the deal with the haiku?

Missed Periods said...

William,

Oh nothing specific with the haiku. It was just that you did that awesome Glen Beckn one for the contest.

Missed Periods said...

William,

Thank you, Darling. Nothing specific with the haiku. It was just that you wrote that awesome one about Glenn Beck; I wanted to see what you could come up with grammar wise. Your haiku actually inspired me to assign a haiku extra credit assignment.

William said...

I love haiku because it's so hard to tell if it is sublime or ridiculous.

For example,

The period stops
Only for a brief moment
Then it continues

I rest my case.

Missed Periods said...

Love the haiku. "I rest my case" seems like it could have a grammar pun in their somewhere.