Because You Never Get a Second Chance to Make a First Impression

My mom: Guess who I saw at the market today?

Me: Who?

My mom: Mrs. Jenson. You went to elementary school with her son Kevin. Did you know that Kevin's a neurosurgeon now? He lives in a mansion in Newport Coast. He's really handsome too; his mom showed me a picture.

Me: Who? Poopy Pants?

Yes, when Kevin Jenson was five years old, standing on the diving board staring terrified into six feet deep water, he had a little accident. So, even if thirty years later he has saved thousands of lives, has Hugh Jackman's abs and Johnny Depp's haunting stare, he will still just be Poopy Pants to me.

= Still Poopy Pants



First impressions are hard to shake. Say you are introduced to a girl at a party and she snubs you, but after running into her a few more times, you come to find out that she's actually pretty cool. You also find out that on the day that you first met her she had lost her job, her dog, and her boyfriend- but, you still kind of think she's a bitch.

Because first impressions can be so damning, it’s important that we put the commas in the correct places. To see what I mean, check out these sentences:

When I eat the dog always waits for my scraps.

If you're ever in the mood to give head over to the local charity.

C'mon, admit it: after reading the sentences, your first impression was that I am some kind of sicko. Maybe after a couple of reads, you realized that I'm neither a dog eater nor a pervert, but for the rest of our lives, if someone mentions the Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares blog, you’ll say, “Oh yeah, that’s written by that perverted chick who eats dogs.”

Geez. Tough crowd. If I had only put those commas:

When I eat, the dog always waits for my scraps.

If you're ever in the mood to give, head over to the local charity.

So that you don't have some unfortunate misunderstanding for which you are judged forever more, allow me to explain this comma rule. The rule applies when we have a sentence that is comprised of two parts: an introductory phrase and an independent clause.

The introductory phrase is a phrase that begins the sentence telling us one of these five things:

When
Where
Why
How
Under What Circumstances

An independent clause is basically another word for a complete sentence. It can stand on its own. Hear it roar.

So, when an introductory phrase precedes an independent clause, it's kind of like when foreplay precedes sex: we need to separate foreplay and sex with a condom just like we need to to separate the introductory phrase and independent clause with a comma. Here are some examples of such sentences:

When Sam first met Alice, she had something in her teeth.

when

Between her incisor and molar hung something green and slimy.

Where

*No comma because hung something green and slimy is not an independent clause.

Because Sam loves spinach, he reached over and kissed her.

why

With expert use of his tongue, Sam dislodged the spinach and swallowed it.

how

If she hadn't eaten that spinach salad, Sam and Alice may not be married.

under what circumstances

The real clue to knowing if we have an introductory phrase on our hands is the first word in the sentence. For example, if our sentence starts with the word when, we know that the phrase will be telling when. If our sentence starts with the word because, we know it will be telling why. If our sentence starts with the word if, we know it will be telling you under which circumstances.

Here’s a list of other words that commonly begin an introductory phrase (there are more, but hopefully you get the idea.):

When: As soon as, After, At, Before, During, Until, When
Where: Above, Across, Below, Behind, Beneath, Beside, In, On
Why: Because, In order to, So that, To
How: By, With, Without
Under what circumstances: Although, Despite, Even though, If

So, when you see one of these words at the beginning of your sentence, 90% of the time (when it's followed by an independent clause), you will need to use this little guy:

Ooops, I mean this one: