House Bunny
is
one of the movies that you have to watch several times to fully grasp because
it’s so highly nuanced, but the plot basically goes like this:
Anna Faris’s character, who is a Playboy Bunny, awakes on her 27th
birthday to find a note by Hugh Hefner telling her she’s too old and she has to
pack up and leave the mansion. She
leaves immediately, and she ends up as house mother of a super nerdy sorority. Hilarity
ensues. Then, it turns out Hef didn’t actually kick her out; it was a jealous
Playboy Playmate who forged the note.
So let’s say you’re Ana Faris’s character on the morning of your
27th birthday, but instead of leaving the mansion, you want to convince
Hef that even though you’re an over-the-hill 27-year-old you don’t deserve to
be kicked out? What steps would you take?
I would make
sure my hair was peroxided super blonde, and I would make sure that my head was
the only place on my body with hair. I would obviously spray tan. And I would make
sure to mention how I hate wearing panties.
My students, on the other hand, would dye their hair gray, let
the bikini wax grow out, and talk about physics.
I say that because my students can be so clueless when trying to
state their case.
After I post grades at the end of every quarter, I inevitably
receive emails from students asking why they failed my class. And these emails
are unfailingly the most grammatically disastrous emails I receive. Here are
some examples:
hi jenny i had a few questions about my final grade
how did i end up with my final grade being an F?
I
was kinda sad that i got a d, i thought i would get an B- or a C+, anyways im
sure i deserved that grade but I thought I would get a good grade on the final
so I was wondering if you clarify why.
i am very
displeased with failing your class. An I don't agree with your assumption of
failure. I would like to review this over in person with you and the director
beacuse i don't feel i should have to repeat the course. Thank you and I
look forward to speaking to you.
This never ceases to amaze me. I’m not particularly subtle
about my enthusiasm for proper grammar. They know I am the crazy English teacher
who drives a grammarmobile. If you are going to take the time to write one grammatically
correct email, wouldn’t it be the one appealing to your English teacher to
change your grade?
Can anyone explain this phenomenon?
It’s like telling Hugh Hefner he should reconsider kicking
you out of the Playboy Mansion because you plan to put on twenty pounds and get
a boob reduction.
14 comments:
At least one of them had apostrophes in "don't." It is rather funny actually to see them trying to appeal to you that they don't fail at grammar while failing so hard at grammar. I wonder if any of them have ever realised this.
Oh, student emails. They can be such a distaster. I always double and triple check my emails to professors, probably to the point of insanity. Polite and professional are important, but then again, so is grammar and spelling. :)
Everyone knows that gaining twenty pounds and getting a boob reduction is something you do when you get married, not when questioning your English grade.
Too random? Maybe.
I like your blog,and also like the article,and thank you for provide me so much information :)) gray hair
No one can be bothered with the shift key anymore. You are asking way too much of your students!
Oh my goodness. Imagining Hugh Hefner and our beloved grammar in the same thought has caused a huge wrinkle in my mind. I don't know if I'll ever be able to straighten it out.
Okay, I'll admit that in casual emails to friends and family, I'm sometimes lax in capitalization, but NEVER in an email to a professor. Have they misplaced their respective "shift" keys? Oy vey.
hello, is anybody out there? Hef is my hero, so why did i get a F? l'et's discuss this in a grammarmobile ride with you, you have to pick me up from the dorm, i have no gas money, only the money Mom gives me for Taco Bell. no more Fs, let's try the A. xoxo
Just spitballing here, but I think maybe students tend to write certain ways when they're on certain devices. If they are at home on a proper computer, an email might be more formally formed. I get a lot of messages from students who composed the email on their phones, and it's like they're tweeting. Use as few letters as you can, bag the punctuation.
I'm not saying it's right or that it doesn't also drive me crazy, but maybe that explains a little.
We used to leave handwritten notes under the lecturer's door if they weren't in. This was about 10 to 14 years back.
As for your post, I do think that if the students do want their grades reviewed, they should at least try to impress you with proper grammar. You're right. They are pretty clueless :)
"i am very displeased with failing your class. An I don't agree with your assumption of failure."
Amazing.
i just dont understand how u can be so crule to these maroons.
Before I mastered grammar I always typed every word all caps. But that would take one only so far. I finally had to learn exactly why words were capitalized and then life got easier.
Now math, thats a different story. cm
How have I missed all of these posts? I've had the wrong priorities this July.
I want to attack those emails with a red correcting pen.
If you have to meet with the director, bring the email for evidence.
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