Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Out with the Old, In with the New

In my last post, I suggested that perhaps the reason I haven’t had any kids yet has something to do with the fact that my parents never bought me a Cabbage Patch Kid. And, undoubtedly, that has a lot to do with it. But there may actually be more to my procreation hesitation: Giving birth looks REALLY hard. I love sleep. Nine months without wine and sushi!

And then there’s also the ethical question of overpopulation. I live in Orange County. Our freeways are bumper to bumper, our classrooms are overfilled, and the line was out the door this morning at Starbucks. I wouldn’t feel right about adding another mouth to feed.

That is, unless we eliminate some existing mouths.

If we are going to add new people, maybe we should get rid of some. I’m not suggesting we kill them or anything; we could just move them to Wyoming. (Wikipedia says it’s the least populated state.)

Here’s who I would send to Wyoming:

Mel Gibson (I’d actually be doing him a favor.)

The guy who lives in the condo above us who likes to stomp around all night.

Vanessa Paradis (She’s actually quite lovely, but she’s the main obstacle in my quest to marry Johnny Depp.)

Sarah Palin (I’m doing it for the moose.)

I feel the same way about words.

Here are some words that have just officially become members of the English language:

Bromance n. Close platonic male friendship.

Automagically adv. Automatically in a way that seems magical.

Frenemy n. Friend with whom one has frequent conflict.

Staycation n. Vacation spent at home.

Webisode n. Episode or short film made for viewing online.

Tweet n. Posting made on the social networking site Twitter.

Unfriend v. To remove from a list of personal associates on a website.

And, much to my chagrin:

Chillax v. To calm down and relax.

Here are words I would like to trade out:






Which words (or people) would you like to see replaced?

Towner, Betsy. “New Words Added to English Dictionaries.” AARP.


Logical Libby said...

I would jettison the word "dude;" and then I would do a little happy dance.

Maria said...

I hate moist too! The sound of it is terrible.

Anyone who calls anyone else "bro," whether ironically or not, should be sent to Wyoming.

MartyrMom said...

*Frigging would be my first choice.

*Yeah...especially when someone asks a question that should be answered "Yes" or "yes, thank you"

*Incredible...especially when someone uses that in how they feel....blah........Actually, I'd just delete the whole person who said that

PS you can't have Johnny...he's mine! I have him on my digital photo frame. Someone actually asked me if he WAS my husband....No offense to The Engineer...but he NEVER looked that good!!!

Christopher said...

Automagially, really? Wasn't that just a catch line from a commercial?

JEFritz said...

I would get rid of any combination of two words, like ginormous. And I'm furious that my spell check is not finding that as a misspelled word.

Joanna St. James said...

ha ha you will have to get past me to get to Johnny Depp (afterall I live in France) can we move megan fox and katherine Heigl to Wyoming too? I cannot stand them at interviews.
I studied politics in school and we have to make up words to be termed legit masters of the art, so if you hear a word like glocalization or fragmegration, you can thank us for that.

The Shanner of Attention said...

This has nothing to do with words, but while you're in the process of moving people around, can you send Ryan Reynolds and/or James Franco to Buffalo, NY?

Thank you.

Clarissa Draper said...

Not sure I'd replace the people but I'm with you on the words. You know what's funny? I never received a Cabbage Patch Kid either! And I'm sure I'm still suffering the repercussions. Kids are nice but I'm sticking at one. Maybe I'm selfish but I console myself in the fact that I wouldn't want a child to live in the crazy world I live in.

Hart Johnson said...

I am ALL FOR the Wyoming project, though I'd redraw the boundaries first so that Yellowstone is in Montana and Idaho, because Yellowstone is cool, and so shouldn't be relegated to 'Annoyingpeopleland' (where I would send ALL reality tv participants including those of games, court dramas and talk shows)

As for words... I love all the new ones, but I have a really hard time condemning old ones. Even annoying ones have a place. For instance, what better word that MOIST is there to express damp+eww factor? And I'm a statistician, so guestimate is a professional necessity... I WOULD however, banish ALL chatspeak. I have too much respect for words for that.

(Cabbage Patch kids always creeped me out--they're repulsive little blighters, eh?)

Rachael said...

I'd banish Kristen Stewart and the incorrect use of the word "literally." And I second the removal of "chillax."

Deidra said...

"incorrect use of the word 'literally'"
-quoted from Rachael

YES. I can't even think of something better to banish than that.

Amie Kaufman said...

I agree, chillax definitely has to go, and I third the 'literally' motion. It's literally driving me crazy. (Kidding, kidding, don't hurt me!)

Christie Wright Wild said...

Isn't 'tweet' also a verb?

I have awarded you with one very stylish blog award! Go to www.christiewrightwild.blogspot to claim it!

soft nonsense said...

But...but....I love the word chillax...PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!

Meg O. said...

LOL. I can't believe those words are official. That means we have to make up new ridiculous ones!!

MartyrMom said...

Is chillax like climax only cold?? Like a frigid climax?? Can you have one of those? hummmm

Theresa Milstein said...

How about word mistakes:

nucular instead of nuclear

supposably instead of supposedly

conversate instead of converse