What a Wonderful Word

I revisited the Johnny Depp movie Don Juan DeMarco on Netflix a few days ago. I saw it in the theatre when it first came out in 1994 when I was a newborn. Okay, fine, I wasn’t a newborn in 1994; I was a toddler. Okay, fine, I wasn’t a toddler either; I was nineteen. You do the math. On second thought…don’t.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Don Juan DeMarco. Have you seen it? Johnny Depp’s unbearably hot character believes he’s Don Juan DeMarco, the world’s best lover. Everyone else believes he’s delusional. One of the movie’s major themes is the question of whether or not it’s okay to live in a fantastical, delusional reality. In my opinion, the movie argues that it is, in fact, okay to create one’s own reality.

So I’m going to create my own reality. In my delusion of grandeur, I believe I owe everyone an apology. In this delusion, you have all been wondering why I didn’t post last week. You’ve been experiencing terrible grammar withdrawals. You’ve been contacting one another in a panic wondering if anyone has heard from me.

Well, you can relax now. I’m back. It’s been a crazy month because my two very best friends got married within a few weeks of each other. I have, consequently, been organizing wedding showers, bachelorette parties, strippers, and toasts.

Both weddings were beautiful, but I can’t help wishing that I could turn back time so that I could have read the article 14 More Wonderful Words With No English Equivalent before I gave my toast on Saturday. There are definitely some words I could have used that would have made me sound more worldly.

I could have, for example, said that my friend experienced koi no yokan when she first met her husband. That’s a Japanese word that means “upon first meeting a person you know that the two of you will fall in love.”

I might have been able to work in the Brazilian word cafune, which means “tenderly running your fingers through your lover’s hair.” Although, that may have been a bit creepy.

I would have definitely said that my friend loves her husband so much that she often experiences gren-jai. That’s a Thai word that means “the feeling you get when you don’t want someone to do something for you because it would be a pain for them.” I have never personally experienced that feeling, but my friend is much nicer than I am.

However, as I said, the weddings were great, and the last one was especially crazy. I mean, you know it’s a good wedding when half the guests had to rhwe. That’s a Tsongan word that means “to sleep on the floor without a mat while drunk and naked.”

Well...I Guess I Can Complain

Chief Visionary Officer of Collegiate EmPowerment, Anthony D’ Angelo said, “If you have time to whine and complain about something, then you have the time to do something about it.”

The problem is that I actually don’t have time today. I’ve got new syllabi to write, two work meetings, a speech to write for my best friend’s wedding, a yoga class, and I haven’t even unpacked from my weekend getaway.

So instead of taking the time to do something about poor grammar—like offer a lesson—I am just going to complain about it. (And let’s face it: it wouldn’t be the first time.)

The other day I was looking for studies to prove my theory that reading improves writing. I came upon a website that offered this gem:

Reading and writing are interrelated. Reading can improve grammer and vocabulary. Reading extensively can improve your grammer more that listening is able to do. It improves vocabulary and increases the likelyhood of using new words in speech and in writing. Reading also provides examples of new expressions, phrases and idioms that the reader can use.

(I’ve taken the liberty of highlighting the errors.)

To the credit of whoever wrote this, he or she never said reading can improve spelling.

Are You There, Stephenie? It's Me, Jenny.

I just realized today that I am a Twi-Hard.

I haven’t actually read any of the Twilight books. I did see the first movie once when I was flipping through cable. Is it me or was it totally creepy when Edward told Bella that he had been watching her sleep? I guess it was supposed to be romantic, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I knew that the guy I liked spent the whole evening watching me—especially in the beginning of a relationship when I’m still trying to impress him. I’d be too afraid that I would snore or drool or something.

However, despite the fact that I’ve never read the books and have issues with Edward’s stalker-like behavior, I want to call Ms. Meyer right now and beg her to write more Twilight books. It was only during the height of Twilight’s popularity that I remember seeing my students walking around with their noses in a book like Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

I just read in the news that SAT reading scores hit a 40-year low. But if young adults would read more, not only would their SAT scores improve, so would their grammar. Sure, I can teach them the grammar rules and have them practice by applying them to their own writing, but if they aren’t consistently exposed to grammatically sound writing, they probably won’t retain them.

The problem is that a lot of my students claim to HATE reading. My brain—the brain of someone whose only trophy is from a third grade read-a-thon— doesn’t quite comprehend that statement. It’s like when someone tells me they don’t like chocolate: I don’t believe them. I think they are just saying that because they’re on a diet and don’t want to admit it.

Is it really possible to hate reading?

Is it possible to hate chocolate?

What book would you challenge a self-proclaimed reading hater with?

P.S. Kelly Polark recently started a very cool blog that promotes literacy by letting us know what celebs are reading.

If I Could Be Anyone...

Due to underfunded public schools and the fact that most teens curl up with an iPhone rather than a good book, many high school graduates don’t possess even the most basic writing skills. And as many of you know, a lot of these students end up in my college English class.

Because I sincerely care about my students’ education, I carefully construct lesson plans to keep them engaged. I write extensive comments on their essays. I use a purple pen instead of a red one because I heard that red ink intimidates students. I stay after class to help. And now I am grading the final essay—the essay I urged them to take seriously and proofread over and over because it represents the progress they made over the quarter –and guess what? THEY’RE STILL MAKING STUPID, CARELESS ERRORS!

Several students aren’t capitalizing the word I. They are sticking their semicolons in more random places than Tiger Woods stuck his, um, golf ball. One student even wrote that she doesn’t judge people based on their “raise.”

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

To balance out the terrible essay writing, Talli Roland's wonderful writing is being released today. Buy a copy of Willow on Amazon UK for £1.71, or on Amazon.com for $2.99.

The September Issue

I apologize if I’ve been relatively absent from the blogosphere in these early days of September, but I got myself involved in something that took a lot longer than I thought it would. But I did it: I finally made it through Vogue’s September issue. I’ll be honest with you; after the first 150 advertisements, I didn’t think I could do it anymore. It wasn’t just because my arms were giving out under the magazine’s weight, but I started to descend into the kind of depression that comes when you realize that a pair of shoes is worth more than you are.

But I had to read it because I love fashion, and the September issue is considered thee most important issue of the year. It’s full of all the must-have hats and boots and scarves and coats for the fall season. Landing the cover of a fashion magazine’s September issue is a great honor.

Since September’s not over yet, I have decided to throw my hat into the ring. My friend took these pics of me for her digital photography class, and I am going to post them here in the hopes that a fashion magazine editor will notice me.

I was hoping to make the cover of ElleMNOP, Glammar, or even Webster’s Bazaar.