Do You Want to Know The Secret?

Bradley Cooper will ask me out on a date. Bradley Cooper will ask me out on a date. Bradley Cooper will ask me out on a date. There will be a million dollar check waiting for me when I get home. There will be a million dollar check waiting for me when I get home. There will be a million dollar check waiting for me when I get home.

Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there. How’s it going? I was just sitting here visualizing and telling the universe what I would like. You see, I went to a bachelorette party last weekend, and one of the other ladies brought The Secret, so I finally read it, and what can I say: I’m pretty dang excited about my future now that I realize that I can control it.

Chocolate won’t make me fat. Chocolate won’t make me fat. Chocolate won’t make me fat.

My life is definitely going to be a lot less moody.

When I say less moody, what I mean is that there is one verb mood that I will no longer be using. I will no longer be using the subjunctive.

There are three verb moods in the English language: the indicative, the imperative, and the subjunctive.

We use the subjunctive when we are expressing wishful thinking, which means we use were instead of was:

Reality: Bradley Cooper was dating Renee Zellweger.

Wishful thinking: I wish he were dating me.

We also use the subjunctive were when we are imagining something unrealistic:

If I were to receive a million dollar check today, chocolate wouldn’t make me fat.

(Because I would be able to afford all the liposuction I wanted!)

But now that I’ve discovered The Secret, soon EVERYTHING will be realistic, and I can say goodbye to the subjunctive mood.

Now where was I…

My legs will grow three inches. My legs will grow three inches. My legs will grow three inches.

It's All Well and Good

It was Friday night at 2am. My husband was asleep on the couch and I was watching TV. All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. The first knock was followed by louder knocks, which finally woke up my husband. We looked at each other, confused, maybe even a little frightened. The knocks were followed by strange voices identifying themselves as room service.

My husband angrily got up and looked through the peephole. I relaxed when I saw him smile. Turns out it was just some of our very own highly intoxicated friends who were returning from a bar down the street and needed a place to crash.

Usually, I like those kinds of spontaneous visits, but not this time. I was watching Rhinestone, the movie starring Dolly Parton and Sylvester Stallone in which country singer Dolly Parton must turn cab driver Stallone into a country singer in two weeks or else she has to extend her contract singing for sleazy Freddy and sleep with him! It was at the end, the part where Stallone was proving himself onstage, and I just wanted to be left in peace to watch Stallone sway back and forth on stage singing (I use that term loosely) country music wearing this outfit:


It’s not often that one gets to see Stallone in rhinestone fringe. Usually, he’s some kind of action hero.

In that way, verbs are like Stallone.

Like we do with Stallone, we tend to associate verbs with action. When we think verb, we think of such words as run, jump, fight, eat, sit, and swim.

But, as I mentioned in the last post, some verbs aren’t about action at all. One type of verb that doesn’t show action is a linking verb, also known as a copulative verb (hee hee hee).

To review, linking verbs connect the subject of the verb to additional information about the subject, often an adjective. Some common linking verbs are to be verbs such as is, am, was, and were.

Ex. Stallone’s outfit is pretty.

Others linking verbs are seem and become:

Ex. Even in their drunken state, my friends seemed surprised that I was voluntarily watching Rhinestone.

Some verbs are versatile. In certain contexts, they are action verbs and in some they are linking verbs, such as look, feel, and smell.

Linking: Dolly Parton looked great.

Action: I looked adoringly at Dolly.

Why does all of this matter?

Because it helps us come to terms with a very important issue: how to answer the question “How are you?”

Is it "I am good" or "I am well"?

Some people freak out when we say, “I am good” instead of "I am well" because they think that a verb should be followed by an adverb, and well is an adverb.

BUT… since am is a linking verb, it is appropriate for an adjective, like good, to follow it.

Therefore, it’s perfectly correct to say, “I am good.”

It’s also okay to say, “I am well.” However, when we use well in this context, it’s as the adjective well, which means healthy, not the adverb well, which means in a good or satisfactory manner.

When someone asks me how I am, I actually prefer to respond, “I am fine.” If you know what I mean. Wink.


Resource:
Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips. http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/good-versus-well.aspx.

Naughty Verbs Need Love Too

I had a total Beevis and Butt-head moment yesterday when I read that there is such thing as a “copulative verb.”

Eager to find out more about this provocative-sounding verb, I poked around to get to the bottom of it.

It turns out the copulative verbs are not the verbs you might think. Doink is not a copulative verb. Neither is bone, poke, or grind. Copulate isn't even one. Copulative verb is another term for linking verb.

Do you remember linking verbs? They are, among others, such unassuming verbs such as is, are, was, were, and am.

Linking verbs are about connecting words together, not about actions.

For example, in the following example, are connects you and beautiful. (The example should be read in a Barry White-like voice.)

Baby, you are beautiful.

But, when you think about it, that’s really what copulative verbs should be about. Sure, words love a bit of action, but the focus should really be on the bond formed between them.

Let’s just hope they use commas for protection.