Did you hear about the guy in Florida who woke up with amnesia and spoke only Swedish? A similar thing happened to me last week. I don’t think it was amnesia, but a foreign language did spontaneously flow from my mouth: Starbucksish.
If we do create our own versions of heaven, mine would be a coffee shop with great coffee and the perfect atmosphere. Therefore, Starbucks—with its mediocre coffee and corporate feel—is pretty much my version of hell. Of course, I am a total hypocrite and go there all the time because it’s two seconds from my house, but since my first visit, I have staged my own little rebellion: I refuse to speak their language.
However, the other day I walked up to the counter and out popped “can I please get a double tall soy latte” instead of my usual “can I get a small latte with soy milk and an extra shot of espresso.”
I have no idea what prompted this waving of the white flag. Maybe I’m just getting too old for this shit.
Then yesterday, as I was waiting in line for a tall drip (which sounds more like a guy I used to date than a coffee), I saw this:
Well, I recoMMEnd this:
And I’ll take a small regular coffee, please.