Thursday, May 31, 2012

Penis Party

I feel so betrayed. I thought you were visiting my blog because of your passion for punctuation, spelling and sentence structure. I thought you came here to quench your thirst for comma knowledge. I believed that your hunger for differentiating between commonly confused words drove you to my posts. But I was wrong. You’re just like all the others. You only come here for the SEX.

Thanks to Blogger’s new format, I can easily see which posts have received the most traffic, and the posts with sexy names have overwhelmingly received the most visits (e.g., "Crazy Sexy Men"; "Sluts and Twats and C!#ts, Oh My"; and "Best Sext Ever" ).

So the truth is there will be no penis party here today. I just used a sexy (and delightfully alliterative) title as a ploy to lure you perverts to my page. 

Hi, everyone!

However, since I am writing this blog for your reading pleasure, I will give you what you want. I’ll give you a little grammar porn: 

Why don’t you come over here and dangle that participle? 

Let’s conjugate all night long.

I love how you insert your punctuation.

Are you satisfied?

26 comments:

Mark said...

I am satisfied. Who thought grammar could be so sexy?

Though having not read most of your sexy, sexy, posts, I claim ignorance of their existence, and beseech I be spared your vengeful wrath when you choose to take it out upon us for only being interested in the sex.

Shelly said...

Someone once gave me a Grammar is Sexy t shirt. However, it is old, and a letter came off, so now it says Gramma is Sexy.

Jaya J said...

grammar porn is it. hahaha.
i think for every second there are 3,000 to 4,000 people finding porn on the net.
so we must use the keywords smartly :p

Crystal Pistol said...

I love it when you talk dirty. ;)

Mike Mike said...

I will have you know that it took ages for you to school me on the usage of a hypen - which I obviously love. Once you did however I relished that particular blog. I do not fall for your ploys in sexy titles since I KNOW I will get a grammar lesson within. So there. :-)

Shannon said...

By far, my most popular post on my blog is how to shave a "chin strap". There are a lot of clueless douchebags out there looking for facial hair tutorials. Sigh.

Dylan Fitzgerald said...

Grammar is hot. I love grammar porn. I love this blog. I love declarative statements. And I love beginning sentences with conjunctions for emphasis (and always with self-awareness).

It's a good day to be a nerd.

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

WHEW! I'D LIKE A CIGARETTE NOW.

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'

Jono said...

I'm much more relaxed now. Next time let's try to split an infinitive. I think I'll roll over and fall asleep now.

the late phoenix said...

i come here for the education...and the fact that you're cute

Kelly Polark said...

I hope the pervs are at least learning something when they stop by! :)

Jo-Ann said...

You tease, you!

Terra Shield said...

Ha ha... that's a good one... Studying how people find your blog always provides a good laugh (and perhaps some raised eyebrows)

E.J. Wesley said...

This is the most hilarious pandering to the masses I've ever read! :)

Who knew generating clicks could be so easy? Although I should probably confess that I came over here because you visited my blog, and not because of the tawdry headline. But tawdry never hurts. lol

Nice to meet you!

EJ

James Garcia Jr. said...

You're so bad! *laughs*
I'm here because, as one of your loyal satellite students, it is my duty to faithfully visit and comment. I apologize for forgetting your apple, however. Of course in this day and age it should be an Apple product and not the fruit. :)
Have a great week, Jenny. Are you on summer break now?

-Jimmy

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

I'm always up for a good penis party.

Err...pens. Pens party. I love me a good ballpoint.

P.S. It's disgusting the search terms that drive the most traffic to my blog. I feel so dirty. It's great.

DWei said...

You know why people visit my blog? For memes. I guess that's marginally better.

sundersartwork said...

Haha, if only i had teachers like this when was in high school i might have taken a useful degree. That jpeg looks painful, i always check the sofa seat for foreign objects. A gay man once told me he knew he was gay when he sat on his dummy when he was child.

Talli Roland said...

Haha! *blush*

I shudder to think why people are coming to my blog. Ignorance is bliss in that department, I think.

Theresa Milstein said...

What a peculiar post peppers peculiar pleasures.

Tony Van Helsing said...

I'll conjugate your verbs until you are dizzy.

Janet Johnson said...

Who knew grammar was so sexy?! But then again, I've learned all kinds of fascinating things about Grammar from you. Like what "dank" means. ;) I'm forever grateful!

Lynda R Young said...

I'm too young for dangling participles... ;)

anthony stemke said...

Thanks a lot! I came here for grammar information, especially comma usage, and you, you teaser, have made a mockery, no, a sham, of good grammar, to the point where I wonder, really wonder, what your conjugated visits are like.
Hey, just kidding. cm

Stephen Tremp said...

Um ... a girl using the dangling participle joke. First time I heard that hahaha.

Sara said...

LOL. Hilarious!! I wonder what my most popular posts are? Time to sexify them.