Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Jews for Christmas

**Grammar errors in this post are intentional. You'll see what I mean.**

“On Yentl and Moishe and Yaakov and Hymie. On Lazer on Tzeitel on Velvel and Chayim,” a Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof look-a-like wearing a furry blue and silver suit hollers to his team of oxen. One hand on his head making sure he doesn’t loose his yamulcuh in the decent and the other hand gripping a bag full of toys, every Hanukkah good ole Hershel Stein (as jolly as can be expected in today’s day and age) visits the homes of all the Jewish children. In exchange for the Manischewitz and rugelach awaiting him, Hershel brings every Jewish child eight toys (provided they weren’t on the meshugeners list). The children try to wait up to catch a glimpse of old Hershel, but always fall asleep to their favorite holiday cartoon, The Schmuck Who Borrowed Hanukkah. Only after Hershel shoots back up the chimney and finally gets comfortable in his cart (the ascension triggering his chronic lower back pain), the sleeping children are gently stirred from visions of matzo balls dancing the Hora as he bellows, “Happy Hanukkah to all and to all a gute nakht!”

That’s my fantasy Hanukkah. I know it looks a lot like Christmas, but growing up as a Jew in the U.S., all I wanted was to be able too celebrate Christmas. Christmas came with dozens of delightful carols; Hanukkah had one twenty-one word dreidel song that was to be repeated ad nauseam. Christmas cartoons were the best; Hanukkah cartoons were non-existent. Christmas had Santa and reindeer and Frosty and trees and ornaments; Hanukkah was rumored to have a bush. While all the other kids in my first grade class were cutting out there construction paper Christmas trees, I was the only kid cutting out a menorah (which, by the way, is a lot more intricate then a Christmas tree).

I know what your going to say: Christmas only has one night of gifts while Hanukkah has eight. Technically, Hanukkah has eight, but at least in my family, it really only had one good one. On the first night, my siblings and I did get some good gifts, but by night two the gift quality quickly downgraded to socks and underwear. And it was a rare Hanukkah that we even remembered to light the candles on night three.

But I’ll stop kvetching. I’m an adult now, and I’ve left my Christmas envy in the passed. In fact, I’d like to wish everyone a Happy Hanukkah. To celebrate the eight nights of Hanukkah, I have included eight grammatical errors in this post. Their not tricky ones, like commas or semicolons; they’re all commonly confused word errors (i.e., there/they’re/their). List the errors in the comments section, and you will get one point per correct answer. I’ll do a drawing, and the winner will win a fabulous pair of socks!

(If you find more than eight errors, remember that the Christmas season is a very sensitive time for me.)


Sharyn said...


Yay! Happy Chanukah! Did I win something?

Shelly said...

Most of all, I want to wish you a Happy Hannukah and and gramatically perfect new year!

Crystal Pistol said...

Happy Hanukkah to you!

I used to hate when Santa brought me socks and underwear. I guess kids get the same stuff regardless of religion. It's a small world after all! :p

Shannon said...

Sharyn nailed it.

Happy Holidays to my grammar idol.

Deniz Bevan said...

Squee! A challenge for my copy editor's self. Let's see..

"making sure he doesn’t loose his yamulcuh" should be lose
"in the decent" should be descent
"to be able too" extra o on the second to
ad nauseam should be ad nauseum
"cutting out there construction paper" should be their
"more intricate then a Christmas tree" should be than
"what your going to say" should be you're
"left my Christmas envy in the passed." should be past
"Their not tricky ones," should be they're

Uh oh, I did find more than 8. But that's cos I'm so excited by socks - really, no joke, I love getting fun socks as gifts.
Happy Hanukkah!

the late phoenix said...

christmas is when the big red fat man breaks into your house

thanksgiving is when you take a long afternoon dirt nap against your will

halloween is when you intentionally scare yourself into a heart attack

all holidays are a blur to me

happy [insert here], babe!

Hart Johnson said...

Ha! It is like the Aunt in the Wide Window, isn't it... the errors are a message that lead us to a secret small Jewish Santa present... (that was a Willow reference from Buffy, btw)

Jessica said...

1.Loose (Lose) 2. Decent (Descent) 3.Too (to) 4.There (Their) 5. Then (Than) 6. Your (You're) 7. Passed (Past) 8. Their (They're)

I see I'm not the first to answer, but I promise I didn't copy Sharyn!
(Also, I used to hate to get the socks and underwear, but now I love it!)

anthony stemke said...

I see you already got your answers, so nu? Hope they are not those Christmas socks (you know green socks with a white Christmas tree on the outsides). Partatshnech,talk about antoyshun.

Mary Aalgaard, Play off the Page said...

Oh, that was just plain, old fun. Happy Holidays! I say, embrace them all.

DWei said...

Bodacious Boomer had a similar post on her blog too. :P

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

Well, it looks like all the errors have been located, so I'm a "Grandma" late and and elf short on this one. ("Grandma late" because she got run over by a reindeer and is currently in traction at Mount Sinai Medical Center. She's not scheduled for release until 2012.)

But I just want to say that I found this blog bit immensely entertaining!

(And I really enjoyed the movie 'Fiddler On The Roof', too! That's yet another one of those musicals that I ain't supposed to like, being a "dudeguy" an' all.)

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'

Terra Shield said...

I saw a "too" instead of a "to" somewhere in the post. Not competing, though.

Happy Hannukah! :)

Mykuljay said...

Ok I found to late to kompete so I will fill this with erors if only to make you chukle out loud. Considering your okupation it may give you knightmares though!

When I was a kid my frends next dor would always git socks and shirts and the like. I do wish you Happy Hanooka and a wonderfil 2012 in all you due.

I promise my next replie will be grameticaly korect. This was very hard too write! :-) Mike

JDC said...

Too full of christmas cheer to look for errors =)

JDC said...

Too full of christmas cheer to look for errors =)

Misha Gericke said...

Hahaha sweet post, but I don't think you'll ship socks to South Africa, so I'll refrain from entering.

Happy Hannukah. :-)

K Najarian said...

Wouldn't you know it? I just finished reading this and navigated back to facebook where the first post I find identified something as "histerical"! Oy vay (@Jen-I know I'm not Jewish, but that just seems appropriate :)). Happy Hannukah!

Jaya J said...

happy holidays :)

Pat Hatt said...

Well I noticed too, loose, passsed, your and their right off. Hope you had happy holidays no matter the "grammer" mistooks yuo maid.

Mykuljay said...

I bet I missed the socks. :-(

Liz said...

Man I wish I had seen this earlier so I could have been in the running for the socks! I hope the grammatical errors aren't in the Yiddish...that wouldn't really be fair ;)

Theresa Milstein said...

I'm sneaking some blog reading while students are watching a movie, so I'm not looking for the errors now.

I celebrated Christmas as a kid. When I converted when I was 24, Christmas was the easiest thing to walk away from. Now the season is less stressful than it used to be.

But my kids only get one good gift. After that, mostly books!

Mykuljay said...

Ok Prof' - I'm still waiting for the rules on using a hypen - no I really am! I love the damn things but use them at random which can't be a good thing.

-----See? I'm addicted to the things.

The Sisterhood said...

Your parents should have started with the socks and save the best gift for the last day!

Hope you had a great Hanukkah this year (and better presents ;)) I'm looking forward to learning more grammar in 2012!