Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Your Own Personal Geezus

I don’t usually like to mix my grammar with religion, but I may have just read some breaking religious news, and I want to share it with you.

According to Wikipedia, there are 38,000 Christian denominations. That’s not the breaking news. This is: soon, there may be 38,001.

I don’t have the details, but based on an essay my student wrote about religious iconography, I think there may be a new denomination. It seems to be some version of Christianity, but with some interesting differences.

First of all, the h has been dropped from Christ. In this denomination, the name is Crist. The elimination of the silent h leads me to believe that this particular denomination is very ascetic—only requiring the bare essentials.

Another difference is that Satan is referred to as Sateen. I don’t quite know how to interpret this. A silky devil? A teen devil? A silky teen devil?

Lastly, instead of martyred, Crist was mortared. Interesting. I’ll have to ask my student exactly what that means.

And when I ask him, even though I’m not a religion expert, I think I will give him one piece of spiritual advice:

Use spell check religiously!

23 comments:

Crystal Pistol said...

Funny! Love that last line. My spelling is awful. Atroshus, even.

Grandpa said...

Hi, I thought I've followed you before - apparently not. Anyhow, while reading comments at Jeffrey Beeselers' I came across your photo again, so here I am.
As English is not my mother tongue, I always look for writing that teaches the language, and yours is one helluva writing. For e.g I like the 'Chek' on your corolla door underlined in red; I was LingOL too about how your I-Phone wrecked your spelling, etc.

Grandpa
Life on The Farm

Duncan D. Horne said...

Good advice! Crazy, isn't it?!

Duncan In Kuantan

Jeffrey Beesler said...

And also pay heed to the grammar check, too! Grammar check might not always know whether it's coming or going, but it helps, too!

Shannon said...

Amen.

(I feel my comment is simple, to the point and on topic.)

Dylan Fitzgerald said...

I was in a Christian iconography class and spent many hours typing notes about images of "Christ." As a result, I developed a weird muscle memory glitch wherein I would write emails to my friend Chris and refer to him as "Christ." He found that a little odd.

Also worthy of note: sometimes you can spell something right and it will NOT be the right word. Excellent real life example: "pubic relations." PROOF READ.

Mary Aalgaard said...

Holy Crist! That's hilarious. I'm still struggling with affect and effect. I need to read a past-post. See ya later.

Kelly said...

I've also seen teens write Satan as Satin.
as in Satin Rules. Well, it's certainly shiny!

Meg O. said...

Love it. Well, I will say that "Jesus Christ" in Spanish is "Cristo Jesus". Maybe he just forgot the "O." ;)

notesfromnadir said...

Excellent advice about using that handy spell check feature that most programs seem to have.

I had no idea there were 38,000 Christian denominations! Thanks for that info.

Jessica Bell said...

Oh my gosh! lol. LOVE THIS. May I ask what age group your students fall under?

Carolyn Abiad said...

I guess you could be martyred by getting mortared. You know: sleep with the fishes or drink too much Amontillado... LOL! :)

Missed Periods said...

Jessica,

They are in (gulp) college.

Glynis said...

That made me laugh! Thanks for the smile.

It reminds me of my sister-in-law's student who wrote miskelanyarse.

Stephanie Faris said...

LOL...that's good. I was going to say, isn't Sateen a type of bedsheet?

Liz said...

This made me laugh out loud at my desk.

Perhaps Jesus was placed in a small stone bowl and mushed up with a pestle? Would be much more unique than the usual crucifixtion story...so passe.

Maybe after that he was used in brick laying?

I'm so intrigued!

Meagan Spooner said...

Gosh. Being mortared sounds like a pretty horrendous way to die. Poor Geezus.

Loved this post. :P

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

Haha! Oh the importance of proofreading.

Theresa Milstein said...

Sateen sounds like one smooth devil. Likes jazz and romantic walks on the beach.

Instead of a giant cross in the back of a church, picture a giant mortal and pestle. The possibilities...

Amie Kaufman said...

Ha! Love it! In the name of the feather, sun and holy goat.

Christopher said...

Holly crap this cracked me up!

Oh wait...

the late phoenix said...

hold up, i've just realized i've been worshipping SANTA all these years...

Holly Vance said...

Oy.

Your student might be morREtared.